Zero Harm is easy if you know how. This is the third article in our What Not Safety Series – a light hearted look at safety management systems.
Gidday mate, Murray Hurry again, your Corporate Safety Officer. This month, mate, we’re introducing Zero Harm. I know there’s only a week left in the month but Heinz the internal auditor just reminded me we had Zero Harm buried somewhere in last year’s Objectives. Obviously not buried deep enough mate, get my meaning? Anyway, he’s all set to check up on you.
We got to do something quick smart mate, because I laughed it off and told Heinz it’s all tucked away and he smiled that way he does when he has the scent. You know. When his mouth smiles but the rest of him doesn’t? Scary. You’ll remember.
Anyway, all we got to do is Zero Harm mate, and I know how to fix that smartass Heinz, mate. He thinks we’re panicking but we’ll chuck in Safety Culture too, just to show him. Take that. Zero Harm AND Safety Culture. It’s easy mate, we done it before several times and the Troops will love the posters we put up.
Here’s how we get Zero Harm mate
On its way to you right now mate is old Murray’s 5 point plan and Zero Harm Kit. You may already have received it. Like I always say, Murray never lets you down in times of need. Here’s what to do:
Put up those posters, the ones that say: “Don’t chance your arm. Do Zero Harm”. Cracker, eh? There’s also a humungus Accident Board. Put it at the Front Gate mate. I’ll decide what numbers to hang on it when you send me your monthly accident report. Downward trends mate, that’s what we need, downward trends. No one needs to put up with Lost Time mate. Look, when the Troops get hurt, what we do is send them letters to fold and envelopes to stuff while they’re in hospital. Drag them in to work for an hour a day. I’m sure you can think of something productive. Better still, tell me what you want to achieve and I’ll just send you the best numbers to hang on the board. We can get to Zero Harm quick smart.
Now for the clown’s hats, red noses and the BBQ apron in the Zero Harm Kit. This is where the culture comes in. I want you to get that chinless wonder of a GM of yours to wear that clobber and cook a barbie for the Troops. Get ’em all to wear one of the hats. They got slogans mate. Either “I’m a vulture for safety culture”, or “Keep Calm for Zero Harm”. They’ll love us for it. Just pull a hat over the GM’s head and let him do one of those speeches he likes to make. The type where he puts his watch down in front, holds his lapels and snorts down his nose when he makes a joke. The Troops need inspiration.
Now for the kicker mateHere’s the piece de resistance. There’s a bag of plastic badges for the Troops, with “Zero Harm 2011” on them. Geddit? Yup, outta date, but that’s the whole point. Get the Troops to wear them (Heinz is due to visit you middle of next month). He can scratch his head all he likes. The beauty of it is, mate, even if he asks some of the Troops, they won’t know when they got the Zero Harm, OR what it is, and anyway, you know how they hate his funny accent. Am I right mate or what?
Spot ya later mate. Oh, just one final thing. Those safety posters. Rough ‘em up a bit round the edges and leave ‘em in the sun for a while before putting ‘em up. Heinz always sniffs signs and posters to see if they’re just out the box. See? Old Murray thinks of everything mate. I tell you what, just quietly, you can’t pluck a Zero Harm culture from thin air. It needs to be done proper mate. I’ve rolled out this stuff enough times for this Company over the years and I know how to get it done right every time.
Call me and let me know when you’ve organised your Zero Harm, mate, we could use the hats again for old Phil at Distribution when you’re done.
For more of Murray’s gems,Safety Planning Safety Manuals